I think people look at the things I do post and think everything looks so wonderful. And it is, and I should be grateful. But sometimes I am not. Everytime I write a complainy post, I read it over and delete it because I sure sound like an ungrateful brat. I've already deleted a bunch of stuff on this one because I realize I have no room to complain when I have:
But who else would go to the store completely exhausted and be the first to say "I'm sorry" with flowers and chocolate for someone who was probably more wrong than he was? How can I complain about someone who adores his children, and loves other children enough to teach even the most difficult ones, and not be compensated nearly enough for it?
How can I complain about the Bay Area when I wanted more than anything to move away from snow? Yes it rains alot and the people are weird, but could yesterday at the Children's museum by the Golden Gate Bridge have been any more perfect? The weather was amazing and the kids were angels. We stayed for hours and hours. They had a great time.
Benny and his cousin Mayumi
Cousins again
How can I complain about the distance between my childrens' ages, or the efforts it took to have them join our family, when they are perfect for us? They are sweet. They are mellow. There is minimal drama.
I whined and I cried that neither of my kids would do what I wanted and nurse. Our road to parenthood wasn't "normal," so I wanted just one thing to go MY way, and I wanted to feed them like a normal mother should. They wouldn't do it. But, guess who sleeps? All of us. This sweet little chub goes to bed by 8pm and sleeps until 8am. No 3am feedings here. She may not sleep during the day, and she may scream bloody murder while having dinner at the neighbors', but then she is an angel all night long. Last night she was out by 7:30. And tonight 7:15. What baby does that?
So while I may want to get out of this tiny apartment and get back into a real house, we wait. While I want to work part-time to help us get the new things we want (like a replacement for my 17 year old car), I learn to be a full-time mom and work on getting the things we need (and some things we want too). While I miss living near a lot of family, we have my "twin" here and keep in touch with the rest with visits, phone calls, and mail. While I miss the social aspect of work and living around more people my age, we reach out more and form relationships with our fellow church members. And while we aren't sure what is in store for us or why we are here (because I would never in a million years have picked to live here), we have faith that Someone knows the answer to those questions and is leading us somewhere good. And life is good. Sometimes it's just hard to remember how good.
7 comments:
I hear you on writing complaining blogs and then deleting them. Hee hee, I post a lot more of mine than you do, but I DO do that often. I call it the equivalent of writing a nasty letter and putting it in the drawer for a few days before I send it, because inevitably I'll regret what I wrote and end up throwing it away. If it makes you feel any better about living here, I feel like you blessed/ are blessing my life a ton! I loved being in that ward and you and Ben are such great examples of selfless service! I want to be like you two! As for the hats (the comment you left on my blog), I'd be happy to make you some.
You are doing great, Kari. And it is fine to complain. I do. I have found in my life that patience is the word. The theme of my life. I guess whatever situation we are in, we just need to find the blessings. Yah yah- same old pat answer to all your woes, right? But you know what i mean. I guess no one's life goes exactly how you plan it. Just reminds me of how we need to have faith in our Heavenly Father. That everything does work out. Wacky old patience! Tiresome at times. ; )
I loved reading this post because I feel the same way on just about everything! :) Thanks you for vocalizing everything I have been feeling--I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one!
When you get discouraged, think about Anne's comment--how she has the great job, great house, and one great kid but no husband. I know I need to remember that more and be grateful for the good things in my life.
I have done the same thing!!! Wrote a blog and then deleted it!!! Loved this post because it is so real!!!
Thanks for this post. It is a good reminder to look at what we have rather than what we don't. Some days I find myself complaining a lot I think because I compare my life to others. I decided I needed to stop reading some people's blogs because life appears just so perfect for them. Cute clothes, cute hair, skinny, new cars, expensive vacations multiple times a year, perfect children, tons of friends. When I start comparing to that I get depressed. I need to stop and look at what I have instead of comparing.
Blogger needs a "Like" button. Great post. God bless you!
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