Benny was such an easy going baby and really never complained about anyone or anything, and this kind of bothered me. I had to be the working mom when he was a baby, and it bothered me that he didn't seem to prefer me over anyone. I wanted my baby to like me.
So, this little girl comes along, and now that she is getting older, she definitely seems to have a preference. I like that she wants her mommy to put her to bed, but I have held her so much this week my back felt like it was going to break. I collapsed down beside her yesterday and dreaded the fact that I was going to have to wake up again today and do it all over again. Thankfully my muscles miraculously feel like they will hold out and we are ok. I'm tired, but what mother isn't.
This reminded me of something else I said several years ago. My friend Gina and I were talking and she mentioned something about how Ben and I seemed to have such a great life with lots of vacations, good jobs and a house and not worrying about having kids yet, or something to that effect. Nothing major, just chatting. She, at the time, lived in a small basement apartment while her husband finished school and they had just had their second child, quite a bit sooner than they were planning. She had things under control but I could see how she might think maybe my life was a bit more fun at the moment.
I actually was kind of surprised this was how she saw things and remarked that we weren't putting off our family to do fun things, but we were unable to have children as of yet. If we could, we would give up all that extra stuff to be exactly where she was.
Now, years later, when I am exactly where she was, I have to remind myself this is what I said I would do. I would give up my job, my house, and fun vacations to have those two kids she had. When I am going crazy in this small apartment with a four year old bouncing off the walls and a screaming baby, I chuckle and remember this is what I wanted. I hope I am not one of those people that says something without really meaning it.
3 comments:
Your kids are perfect for you. And they came when they were supposed to. I think everyone wishes and hopes for things especially when they don't have them. But I also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. And we appreciate what we have when we have it--memo to myself especially. We live the way we are supposed to so that we can show that we are grateful for all that we have at any given time, and most importantly, Heavenly Father is fully aware of us and knows what is best for us.He has a plan for each of us. So glad you are a family and have a bouncy 4 year old and a sometimes screamy baby.. ; )
I'm so sorry that Ellie loves her mom so much :) And Winston does the same thing, he'll scream out every once in awhile like he is dying or being attacked or something. But Ellie is adorable and I'm so happy she's here! And you're a great mom and a wonderful example for me--thanks! :)
It sure is a different view from the trenches, isn't it? Praise God that He gives us the grace to be there.
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