In the previous post I said Ellie is super sweet and mellow and stuff, and for the most part she is. But sometimes she does an alien scream, and tonight I just had to laugh while this was going on.
Benny was such an easy going baby and really never complained about anyone or anything, and this kind of bothered me. I had to be the working mom when he was a baby, and it bothered me that he didn't seem to prefer me over anyone. I wanted my baby to like me.
So, this little girl comes along, and now that she is getting older, she definitely seems to have a preference. I like that she wants her mommy to put her to bed, but I have held her so much this week my back felt like it was going to break. I collapsed down beside her yesterday and dreaded the fact that I was going to have to wake up again today and do it all over again. Thankfully my muscles miraculously feel like they will hold out and we are ok. I'm tired, but what mother isn't.
This reminded me of something else I said several years ago. My friend Gina and I were talking and she mentioned something about how Ben and I seemed to have such a great life with lots of vacations, good jobs and a house and not worrying about having kids yet, or something to that effect. Nothing major, just chatting. She, at the time, lived in a small basement apartment while her husband finished school and they had just had their second child, quite a bit sooner than they were planning. She had things under control but I could see how she might think maybe my life was a bit more fun at the moment.
I actually was kind of surprised this was how she saw things and remarked that we weren't putting off our family to do fun things, but we were unable to have children as of yet. If we could, we would give up all that extra stuff to be exactly where she was.
Now, years later, when I am exactly where she was, I have to remind myself this is what I said I would do. I would give up my job, my house, and fun vacations to have those two kids she had. When I am going crazy in this small apartment with a four year old bouncing off the walls and a screaming baby, I chuckle and remember this is what I wanted. I hope I am not one of those people that says something without really meaning it.